I'm spoiled and it is rotten

My tolerant mother has taken care of me for twenty two years and never received an income or even a promotion for her magnanimous efforts of raising a poor Vietnamese speaking mercurial daughter. With great admittance, I am a spoiled brat.

After I turned 18 and went off to college, I really thought I was a true adult. But I found myself going home on weekends shamefully so my mother could do my laundry. I wake up past noon and next to my bed will be a plate of perfectly cut up gauva accompanied by the greatest concoction ever: salt, pepper, and cayenne pepper. It's truly a Vietnamese thing (the dip and the motherly behaviors). I figured this type of behavior would diminish by the time I turn 21, the age where I can legally drink, rent a car, buy a car without a co-signer, buy a house without a co-signer, and gamble. How come when I turned 21, all I did was drink until I couldn't anymore? I should have gone and rented a car!

The realization that I've yet to seriously grow up occurred one morning before I went off to work. My morning routine is trite and amazingly lazy: wake up at 6:35, drag myself to the restroom, pee, brush my teeth, wash my face, attempt to comb my hair, give up and tie it in a ponytail, change, and go to the kitchen. All of that takes an impressive ten minutes. I'm independent during those 10 minutes. On this particular morning, I slipped on a black dress because I didn't feel like using my muscles trying to squeeze into my fitted pants. As I walked into the kitchen, I stood by the cabinet, waiting for my mother. "Chờ đợi một phút" she says as she places bags of fruits and a napkin in my black lunch pail. "đồ ăn nóng" she says as she hands it to me. She basically told me to wait a minute and that the food is hot.  I grabbed the handle, thanked her, grabbed my car keys, put on my black flats, and walked out the door. My mother loves to watch me as I leave, and I always wondered if I'll do that when I become a mother.

She runs back in the house and comes out with a strip of stickers, the same one she uses to clean up the cat hair on the floor. Though my brother and I bought her a lint/pet fur roller, she prefers the stickers because she has more control and it's more effective, she claims. And there I was, standing in the walkway with my arms stretched out like scarecrow as she patted the stickers all over my dress as if I was going through security. "Mèo lông" she says. It means "cat fur" a word she's been using since my brother brought home Blue and Willow a year ago. My black dress was covered in tiny orange cat fur. In that moment, I imaged a helicopter aiming it's spotlight at me standing there with my mom on her knees intricately patting the stickers all over my dress, reporting to the news anchor "breaking news, a 22 year old woman is delayed from going to work because of apparent cat fur on her dress. Her mother is quickly ridding of the contamination."

After a minute, I told her it looks good and that I couldn't see the cat fur anymore. I thanked her, and casually walked towards my car. I place the lunch pail in the passenger seat, put on my seatbelt, turn on the engine, and drive off with NPR on the radio encouraging me to donate money for their Fall drive.

Lessons From My Mother/Small White Lies I Tell My Mother Daily

 I proposed the idea of writing about shit my parents say but apparently there's a show called Shit My Dad Says. Does this mean I am unoriginal? Balls. Below are some things my mother tells me. She tells me a lot of things, repeatedly, everyday and this is all my mind can do for now.


Lessons From My Mother/Small White Lies I Tell My Mother Daily

Always Drink Water Because I live in a small apartment, my parents and I are very close. I eat in front of them, I use the computer in front of them, and I read books in front of them. For some reason, I feel like this could become a naughty post. Anyway, after every meal, my mother approaches me with a tall glass of warm tea. I lie to her saying I already drank water. She looks at me and puts the cup on the table. "Always drink water. You have to drink at least three of these cups a day so you can pee regularly. How many do you drink a day? It's good for you," she says as she walks away towards the kitchen." It's good for your skin and your body. You don't want pimples."

Sleep early if you have to wake up early/8 Hours of Sleep I'm always reminded of this when I wake up at 2pm. Or when I'm up on my computer editing photographs until 4am and she wakes up. Then the next morning I wake up at 6am for work. That's when she begins to talk to herself, but loud enough so I can hear. Some days I might only get 6 hours of sleep, but when asked how many hours, I reply "8" and the conversation ends happily.

Always eat rice If you come over, there will ALWAYS be rice in the rice cooker. Even if we are eating something outrageous like Pho that day, there will be rice. It's like that movie, There Will Be Blood. Just replace that with Rice.

Never owe people money "Yeah, I have to go to my friend's house to give him back his 20 dollars." My mom gets crazy and she rushes me out the door so I can get to my friend's house faster. She hates being in debt. She hates having to rely on others for money. She'd rather borrow/ask money from her than from people outside the family.

Don't eat fatty foods I brought home a box of chicken wings. She looked at them and proclaimed "Oh I hope you took off the skin before you ate the chicken. It's very fattening, you know." I'm trying to imagine myself tearing off the skin of a juicy hot wing. The waiter's going to be left with chicken skins and bones. She makes it a point to decrease as much fat as possible. She'll cut off any excess fat on steaks, pork, chicken, fish. If you ever want extremely healthy YET the most delicious Bun Bo Hue ever, come over! She does this technique where she puts the home made beef stock in the fridge so all the fat floats on top, which she discards.

Don't wear heels that are above an inch As I left for work this morning in my two inch high boots, she looked at me with caution. As I made my way down the stairs, she yelled from fifty feet away, "Be careful! Walk slower!" She's heard horror stories, actually just one story, about her co worker's friend's neighbor who broke her ankle from walking down the stairs in high heels. If it can happen to her co worker's friend's neighbor, it can happen to me.