I proposed the idea of writing about shit my parents say but apparently there's a show called Shit My Dad Says. Does this mean I am unoriginal? Balls. Below are some things my mother tells me. She tells me a lot of things, repeatedly, everyday and this is all my mind can do for now.
Lessons From My Mother/Small White Lies I Tell My Mother Daily
Always Drink Water Because I live in a small apartment, my parents and I are very close. I eat in front of them, I use the computer in front of them, and I read books in front of them. For some reason, I feel like this could become a naughty post. Anyway, after every meal, my mother approaches me with a tall glass of warm tea. I lie to her saying I already drank water. She looks at me and puts the cup on the table. "Always drink water. You have to drink at least three of these cups a day so you can pee regularly. How many do you drink a day? It's good for you," she says as she walks away towards the kitchen." It's good for your skin and your body. You don't want pimples."
Sleep early if you have to wake up early/8 Hours of Sleep I'm always reminded of this when I wake up at 2pm. Or when I'm up on my computer editing photographs until 4am and she wakes up. Then the next morning I wake up at 6am for work. That's when she begins to talk to herself, but loud enough so I can hear. Some days I might only get 6 hours of sleep, but when asked how many hours, I reply "8" and the conversation ends happily.
Always eat rice If you come over, there will ALWAYS be rice in the rice cooker. Even if we are eating something outrageous like Pho that day, there will be rice. It's like that movie, There Will Be Blood. Just replace that with Rice.
Never owe people money "Yeah, I have to go to my friend's house to give him back his 20 dollars." My mom gets crazy and she rushes me out the door so I can get to my friend's house faster. She hates being in debt. She hates having to rely on others for money. She'd rather borrow/ask money from her than from people outside the family.
Don't eat fatty foods I brought home a box of chicken wings. She looked at them and proclaimed "Oh I hope you took off the skin before you ate the chicken. It's very fattening, you know." I'm trying to imagine myself tearing off the skin of a juicy hot wing. The waiter's going to be left with chicken skins and bones. She makes it a point to decrease as much fat as possible. She'll cut off any excess fat on steaks, pork, chicken, fish. If you ever want extremely healthy YET the most delicious Bun Bo Hue ever, come over! She does this technique where she puts the home made beef stock in the fridge so all the fat floats on top, which she discards.
Don't wear heels that are above an inch As I left for work this morning in my two inch high boots, she looked at me with caution. As I made my way down the stairs, she yelled from fifty feet away, "Be careful! Walk slower!" She's heard horror stories, actually just one story, about her co worker's friend's neighbor who broke her ankle from walking down the stairs in high heels. If it can happen to her co worker's friend's neighbor, it can happen to me.