Over and over again

Oh balls.

Call me a contradiction. I'm contradicted in my dreams, my views of the world, what I want to be and where I want to be. I want both sides of the story. I want to be there, but I want to be all the way over here. I want money but I want freedom. I want to keep moving, but I want a home. I want to write, I want to photograph, I want to share stories, I want to be inspired and inspire.

And again "Do you know what happens to the girl who wanted everything (at the same time)? She got nothing."

I hear this mantra almost daily because I bring up my needs and wants daily.

As the thigh and drumstick are frying in the pan, I think of the moments that have occurred and how I feel about them. I wrote the above paragraphs two days ago, and now I continue this afternoon as I wait for my lunch to cook.

I'm easily influenced (as in if I was hesitant to do something, and someone convinces me to do it, I'll end up doing it). For example, I read this passage:

"For us, the biggest takeaway in this whole adventure was learning that possessions and obligations are the tethers that keep you grounded in place–unable to take that perfect job, great opportunity or grand adventure when it comes your way. Freedom from debt, a bit of money in the bank and a streamlined existence mean that you can bend and sway with changes and opportunities. True wealth is control over your time and how you spend it."

But true wealth is control over my time and how I spend it. This gives me plenty to think about. 

In a year, I'll be somewhere else, probably, and I'm not sure if that is a good thing. Commitment issues? Running away from something? Looking for something? I envy those who can stay in one place, build their relationships, and are happy with where they are. 

I am insatiable. 

That terrifies me.